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My Reply:
I'm really glad you wrote in, because you really hit the nail on the head
and brought up points that I have seen and dealt with a lot... both
in my personal experience, and when coaching guys in general.
A lot of guys have this idea that if they're not seeing "instant
results" that what they're doing isn't working.
In other words, if a guy says something that's cocky and funny, and
the girl doesn't jump on him, he assumes that he made a mistake.
Even worse, sometimes women will respond to cocky/funny comments
with the "I can't believe you just said that" look... to which a lot
of guys respond with "Oh, um... I was just kidding".
Big mistake.
The best thing to do when a woman gives you this kind of look or
response is to SAY SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S EVEN MORE COCKY AND FUNNY!
Then, if she keeps actually objects to what you're saying in a
"serious" way, you'll know that she's probably a cold fish and not
going to be any fun anyway.
But in MOST cases, you'll find that the second comment either gets a
laugh... or at least a "I can't believe you just said that" look.
THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE IS THAT THE LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL IS
USUALLY NOT ACTUAL DISAPPROVAL, IT'S JUST SIMPLY TO SEE IF YOU'RE A
WUSS AND WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO KISS UP TO HER.
I know that this may be hard to believe, but stop for a moment and
think back in your own experience to see if this makes sense...
Now that I'm to a point where I could care less what a woman thinks
of me, and I don't respond to these kinds of things by backing down,
I find that women are FAR more attracted to me. Women simply are not
ATTRACTED to men who kiss their asses.
And this is a great example of what often happens when you just
stick to the program, and don't wuss out.
Now, on to your actual question...
Let's talk about how to deal with women when meeting them via the
personals. First of all, imagine what it's like to be a woman who's
running a personal ad:
1) She'll get dozens of responses a day, in most cases.
2) Most of the responses are from desperate loser guys who make it
very clear that they are not at all attractive.
3) Within a few days all of the guys seem to blur together into one
big mass of exactly what she isn't looking for.
So let's play this out.
You're a woman who's tired of playing the dating game, meeting guys
at bars, or whatever... and you think "Hey, maybe I should place a
personal ad and see if I can meet a nice guy." So you get online and
see an ad for a free trial at a personal ad site, and you go for it.
The first day of your ad, you get 35 responses. You're thinking
"Wow, this is cool. I'm going to be able to choose between all these
guys... there HAS to be a few good ones in here..." so you go to
work reading through them.
The first one says "I'm a DWM, 45, two kids, looking for a SWF for a
LTR...."
You're so bored that you delete it thinking to yourself "I hope
they're not all that boring."
Second one says "Hi, you're really hot. If you'd like to get
together for some "no strings attached" physical fun, get back to
me. I'm very into giving pleasure..."
DELETE.
And on and on... and the next day there are 35 more full of the same
stuff...
If you think that I'm exaggerating, just ask a few women who have
run personals. This is real world.
With that said, if you're going to work with the personals, you need
to do a few things to:
1) Get her attention and stand out.
2) Come across as something OTHER than a loser.
3) Get her to answer you, then get her on the phone ASAP, before she
tunes out from all the responses.
To answer your first question, YES you should be cocky and funny
with personals! As a matter of fact, you need to turn up the volume
for this special occasion...
Here's an example of something I might say:
"Well, you sound like you might be more than just another pretty
face. Something tells me that you're probably getting about 50
emails a day from loser guys saying things like "Hi, I'm freshly
divorced from my seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids... but the
good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job..."
etc.
In any event, I'm 35, have my life together, and I'm more than the
usual amount of interesting and funny, so you'd better like to
laugh.
You sound like you might make an interesting friend, so let's get
together for a cup of something delicious and some interesting
conversation... if you think you can handle it, that is!"
I can see it now... you're probably already going out and signing up
for ten online personal sites and you're thinking "Hey, cool... I'll
just cut and paste what David D. wrote here and the chicks will
bangin' my door down."
Well, in fact that might happen. And I'd recommend that you test
this one out...
But here are a few more tips for you, based on a LOT of experience:
1) If you're going to use the personals, you have to STAY ON TOP OF
THEM. You want to be one of the first 10 people to email a woman!
Not number 293. Yes, this means paying attention.
2) You need to do something to make it personal. Use your cocky and
funny skills to talk about something she said in her ad. If she's
into dogs, say "Hey, let's go down to the pet store and see if we
can't get your pooch one of those extra-fancy chew toys that are
like Krispy Kremes for dogs." Use your imagination, and stay cocky
and funny.
3) Get her on the phone as soon as you possibly can. Remember, even
though she sounds like she likes you in the first email or two,
she's STILL GETTING 40 MORE GUYS SENDING HER RESPONSES EVERY DAY. If
you don't get her on the phone fast, you'll just fade into the pool
of losers in her mind.
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