Meeting Women When You're Out Alone

When a woman asks you "Who are you here with?" and your answer is "Alone" can this be an ice breaker or a deal breaker?

Dear Dave,
The main question I want to ask is in regards to going out by myself. I walk inside a club or a bar and I always get asked the same old question .."Who are you here with". I typically answer by myself.

This causes uncertainty and I feel that I am telling the lady 'Ohh, well I am lonely' (Note that the same happens with guys & mind you, I am straight). The answer, by myself is honest but triggers a negative outcome, so what do I say?

For some silly reason I get the impression that the other person is thinking to themselves, "ohh, the poor thing".

I tend to prefer to go out by myself since there are times that I have to do extra favors and more things to get accepted with my mates and also they are a lot of times when they act just plain negative which as an old Greek proverb says "Show me your mates so I can see who you are" (if you know what I mean). So, for the last few years I have made a stance that I will do things independently and work out things by myself and that I don't need others. Note that this can become an extremely long story so I will get back to the topic.

One very bad thought I have, is if a women sees a guy approach her by himself, she automatically thinks, ok, this guy has no social life, he is lonely and he must be desperate, so quickly what do I do to turn him off. Look, your advice In the Ebook does help but I personally think that a lot of this stuff takes time and effort and should not be looked as a quick aspirin cure.

PLEASE!!!! tell me the following questions:-
- If a guy or a girl asks me "who am I here with" what is a good answer?
- Is it natural for a guy to go out by himself?
(i.e are there other guys who do the same?)
Awaiting your response.
From "Tom"
Denver

My Reply:

Wow, these are great questions!

I think you've hit on a couple of topics that are MAJOR issues for a lot of men.

I know that they were for me in the not-too-distant past.

OK, to answer your question about what to do if a woman asks "who are you here with?"

It's time for Dr. Dave The Mind Reading Dating Psychologist to make an appearance.

I'm going to make a few guesses about what's going through your mind. Hell, since I'm making some guesses, let's just wrap up both of your questions into one:

"Is it cool to go out alone, and what should I do if I'm out along and a woman asks me who I'm with?"

My first guess is that you're feeling self-conscious about the idea of being alone.

You said:
"One very bad thought I have, is if a woman sees a guy approach her by himself, she automatically thinks, ok, this guy has no social life, he is lonely and he must be desperate, so quickly what do I do to turn him off."

It's obvious that you have all kinds of insecurity issues here, and they're really messing with your mind.

The next guess I have is that you're still stuck in the mindset of "pleasing women" and "saying what they want to hear".

At some level, you're asking me what to say to a woman who DISAPPROVES of the idea that you're out alone.

Are you with me here?

Here are a few pointers for you:
1) What other people think of you is the last thing you should be thinking about.

Now, don't take this to mean that you should never change your underwear or brush your teeth, because it doesn't matter what other think.

That's not what I'm saying.

What I AM saying is that if you go out alone, and you meet a woman who thinks you're a TOTAL LOSER for not being out with friends, it shouldn't matter to you.

You're not looking for THAT woman.

2) Going out alone is great.
I used to be VERY uptight about the idea of going out alone. It took me quite awhile before I was really comfortable with the idea.

And when women would ask me about it, I'd try to figure out some good excuse to give them... or way to explain
it so I didn't appear to be a loser.

Well guess what I've learned since?

Most of the guys I know who are AMAZING with women go out alone often.

In fact, if you really think about it, a guy who has the confidence to go out alone, KNOWING that he's going to meet a woman that he enjoys... and is keeping his options open, so if he chooses to go home with her, etc. he can... is amazing.

That takes balls.

3) When a woman asks you "Who are you here with?" you have a few basic options.

-You can answer her directly ("I'm here alone")
-You can lie ("My friends will be here soon")
-You can turn the question around (read on)

Now, if you answer directly and say "I'm here alone" in a weak, tentative, self conscious, insecure voice, you're going to look like a Wuss Bag loser.

Women aren't attracted to men who feel like losers. And answering questions directly is usually uninteresting.

You can also lie.

A lot of guys lie about things... from what they do to what they think of a woman... to how much they make.

Lying is a trap, because it makes you feel bad, AND it screws up your mind. I don't recommend it.

But there is another way!

And it's my favorite (of course).

TURN THE QUESTION AROUND.

If you remember that women are CONSTANTLY testing you when you interact with them, and you are always looking for places and ways to demonstrate your Cocky & Funny wit, you'll see incredible opportunity in situations like this.

She asks "Who are you here with?"

You answer "I'm here with you" <sly smile>.

Seeeee?

She smiles, laughs a little, and says "OK, seriously... who are you here with?"

You answer "Look, I only know you a few minutes and already you're trying to meet my friends? By the end of the week you're going to be over at my mom's house talking about our wedding. Slow down!"

Now what's going on here?

What you're subtly saying is "It doesn't matter who I'm here with... and by the way, If I am here by myself, I'm not at all insecure about it..."

Guys ask me all the time how to deal with questions and challenges from women.

DON'T.

You don't have to.

Just be charming, funny, and difficult.

It works much better, and it's a hell of a lot more fun for you and her.

And you can use these lines (and more that you'll learn in my ebook "Double Your Dating") anywhere that you're by yourself and see a woman you'd like to approach!
 

The Double Your Dating ebook and the three bonus ebooklets that come with it ['Sex Secrets', 'Bridges' and a third ebooklet that can't be mentioned here] form the foundation of everything you will learn through reading these articles and with the ebooks.